Palatable Negritude

So recently it came to light that Harry Reid said that President Obama was a good candidate for President because he was “light-skinned” and speaks with “no Negro dialect”.

When I heard that Harry said that, my first thought was, “What kind of racially progressive person says ‘Negro’ in the 21st century?” I found Reid’s use of the term “Negro” strange, but then I gave it some additional thought. Harry is 70 damn years old. In his life time, Black people have been colored, Negro, Afro-American, African American, and Black (not to mention nigger, coon, porch monkey, etc.). Would I prefer that he know the current en vogue terms for people like myself? Sure. Do I really give a damn that he doesn’t? No.

So, if we move past the terminology, we still have the potentially problematic notions which Harry Reid is speaking of: light skin and “proper” speech as more palatable than darker skin and African American vernacular.

Long before Harry Reid said it, I said it. So am I mad that he said it? Hell no. I’ve lived as dark-skinned Black man in America for all of my (nearly) 26 years, so I am well-aware of how presentation affects notions of respectability and value. A few times a week, white women clutch their purses or their children as I pass them on the street. No matter my dress (whether slacks or jeans, button-down or t-shirt), there is something scary associated with my dark male frame. Some may wonder why I accentuated my darkness rather than my Blackness and that’s because, in my experience, I elicit a stronger fear response than lighter brothers if we present ourselves similarly. Clearly a light-skinned thug is scarier than I am in a suit, but if we are both dressed conservatively, I tend to elicit a stronger (or more immediate) fear response.

Because of the intrinsic foreignness of Black people to a mainstream audience, we often must be conscious that cultural expression is often lost in translation. What certain behaviors or customs mean to us may read TOTALLY differently to the mainstream. I often tell the tale of my first summer at Princeton when a classmate asked what gang I belonged to because I was wearing a du-rag. Though I was a student at Princeton, my head covering automatically branded me as a gang member. However, when my white peers dressed in what they thought was urban attire to attend “bling bling” or “state school” night, nobody had a second thought about their potential affiliation to criminal elements. Though the experience was one that left me angry, it also made clear how easily cultural practices can be obfuscated in translation. Similarly, when Obama brushed off his shoulder during the 2008 election, it was a nod to urban youth who knew the song “Dirt off Your Shoulder” by Jay-Z, but it was read by the mainstream as a sexist dismissal of Hillary Clinton. People who do not understand the nuances of one’s culture attempt to map their own sensibilities onto behaviors which they do not understand; then you’re left with silly pricks asking about my gang affiliation and accusing then-candidate Obama of displaying a general disrespect for female competitors. This is why Obama’s lack of a “Negro dialect” is useful (and some might say necessary). It is easy to be understood by all people, so it’s harder to misconstrue due to cultural differences. In addition, it allows everyone to feel as though he is speaking to them. If Obama spoke in an urban vernacular on a regular basis, mainstream voters would have felt that he was too different from them to understand their issues. Or worse, given the negative qualities attributed to those who generally speak in urban vernacular, he would have been viewed as ignorant, uneducated, or even criminal. None of those things would have done him any good.

So I think Harry was dead on. I think his comments may have sounded racially ignorant, but I think they were much more poignant than any of the Faux News pundits could fathom.

What Year Is It Again?

Even though my hair hasn't been longer than 3 inches in 20 years, this video really pissed me off. This kid is just trying to go to school, but the school's dress code won't allow him. They characterize his hair as "distracting". Distracting? Really?

Hmm.

Let's tease this notion out.

When young ladies have long hair, that isn't distracting. It is something to be praised by most standards. It's a thing of beauty, a thing of wonder, a feat even. We fawn over it and praise the young lady. And, relatedly, we often make women who lack this long, pretty hair feel as if they are somehow lacking...as if they are less of a woman.


And, similarly, people get up in arms when a male doesn't want to chop his hair off at every possible juncture. This thing of beauty becomes a mark of otherness when it is attached to the head of a male. It is often deemed effeminate and weak (interesting how we often conflate weakness with things typical of females, and more interesting how many females champion these self-effacing schools of thought with little question).

Hmm.

Sounds somewhat archaic, but okay. Can I take it that girls in pants is equally distracting (and masculine)? Or girls with short hair (damn lesbians!)? Actually, I'll do you one better. Perhaps having girls in school at all is distracting to male students. Therefore, we should keep them home and give them something more useful to do, like [insert 50's era idea of "woman's work"].

Of course, I kid, but it really does frustrate me. I don't know why people are so staunchly tied to antiquated notions of proper gender etiquette (I'm looking at you, Morehouse College). These ideas are dated and restrictive. More importantly, these ideas are dangerous. We ostracize those who refuse to conform. We tell them that they are somehow "less than", because they choose to be their authentic selves. We place them on the margins with demands that they become like us in order to have value or to be morally correct (whatever the hell that means). And then we are surprised when they move even farther away from the norm, when they consciously embrace a counterculture in order to rage against a society which oppresses them.

How long will be hold onto bullshit in the name of tradition?

Blowing Smoke

Let me start by saying that I support positivity and positive feedback offered to friends and family.

With that said...can we stop blowing smoke up people's asses? LOL. I mean, I understand that your heart is in the right place, but you really set people up for failure when you pump them up with falsehoods.

"Ooh, baby, you sang that song so well!" Did he? Now the poor child is going to try out for American Idol and get his little heart crushed when Simon cuts open his heart as Paula (oops, she got fired, so I guess I mean Ellen) gives the side-eye and Randy spouts something supposedly urban and incomprehensible.

"Do I look fat in this, honey?" "Nooooo." Is that so? Will that temporary boost to her self-esteem last when someone approaches her and asks if she's interested in purchasing a body shaper? Or when she sees photos of herself in that dress on facebook? I know we mean well, but it just has the potential to open up some nasty doors.

"I'm lonely." "Oh, you'll find someone, babe. It just isn't your time yet." I've met so many older women and men who've yet to find that someone. 40 or 50 years old and they've never really had a substantive relationship. Though it is nice to give them that ego stroke or pat on the back, perhaps they'd be better served by some advice that could really positively impact their chances. "Jim, I know you've been looking for a nice girl to date. Maybe the seedy hip hop club isn't the best place to find one." "Hey Jim. I just joined this gay rugby league. There's some pretty cool guys on the team. Maybe you should join. You might meet someone cool." Or perhaps you can do something a bit more proactive. If Jim is a photographer and you know a young lady (or guy, if that's Jim's thing, lol) who loves to talk about or look at photography, create a space where they can meet. You don't have to actively set them up, but just have them in the same place at the same time and see if something sparks. I think that is a much more useful and realistic intervention for your friend. "Keep hope alive" was catchy when Jesse Jackson said it once upon a time, but it isn't the best mantra for someone looking for love...in my humble opinion. LOL.

Again, I know we mean well when we blow that sweet smoke up our friends' and loved ones' respective asses, but I just wonder if it does more harm than good. Food for thought.

Resolved Proclamations

Immaculate newness

Peaceful oneness, no longing for twoness

Resolved proclamations

No longer boonless

Steps past the previously insurmountable

Now I will be held accountable

Thanks to resolved proclamations

My remaining issues are now one-hand countable

Transmogrified corporeal

Leads to eye-catching sartorial

Resolved proclamations

Time for my couture pictorial

Lungs without blackening

Work without slackening

Resolved proclamations

With no turn-backening…today

D.Black (1/1/2010)

Another new year rolls in and everybody has their New Year's resolutions. "I'm gonna lose 100 lbs!" "I'm going to stop smoking." "I'm going to stop sleeping around." "I'm going to communicate better with my loved ones." Now they all sound like great pursuits, but I don't much get into them and never have.

I remember one year when my father made my sister, step-brother, and me sit down in the living room to write resolutions, because he wanted to hold us to them. What kind of wacky shit was that? What the fuck did I need to change in my life as a 10 year old straight A student (seriously, no peppering of B's, just A's) who was respectful and courteous to the people I dealt with, even the dumb fucks who I didn't respect? That was the nail in the coffin for me.

As far as I'm concerned, the beginning of the year is an arbitrary ass time to decide you are changing your life. Why didn't you make that change previously? Was it not important yet? Was your smoking problem not causing issues before Jan 1? Was it okay to lie excessively before Jan 1? Why not make the change at the start of your school year? Or why not at the start of your company's fiscal year? (okay, maybe not the company's fiscal year, but you get me) I just think it's strange, and, whatever the reasons people offer, it still boggles my mind a bit.

Now, this is no slight to those who have their yearly resolutions (especially if they actually stick to them), but it's just not something I can seriously get into. Whatever the case, have a happy, safe, and prosperous new year. :-D

Thinkin Bout Kids

Of late, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my potential children and what they may be like. If you know me well, you know that I take the rearing of children very seriously. Particularly after my time working with maladjusted youth, I see the necessity of concerned, loving, involved parenting.

But there are some questions that arise, some of which definitely give me pause.

What if my child isn’t particularly smart?

I was my mother’s only child, so I don’t know how another kid would’ve turned out in my mother’s house. However, I know what kind of kid she produced. I was fiercely competitive and took my intellectual growth very seriously. I’ve been writing stories since I was first able to string together a sentence. When on punishment and unable to play outside, watch cartoons, draw or write stories, I read a dictionary cover to cover in ’92. When a new kid came to the school and touted him/herself as a “smart kid”, I took it as a challenge to surmount. And, honestly, I don’t know who/what I’d be if I weren’t so fiercely driven to be “smart”. I know some of this was fostered by a mother who tricked me into learning a wall full of vocabulary words before kindergarten (told me there was a test on day one), but I also know that there was something down on the inside that drove me. As soon as I knew that Ivy League schools existed, I decided that I was going to graduate from one. A school for smart people? That was THE place for me.

But what if my child shows no aptitude for intellectual endeavors?

I won’t know what to do with him. “Hey dad. I pulled off a C in Algebra.” WTF! I’ve worked with kids who had deficits intellectually, but they weren’t mine, so I wasn’t personally bothered by their inadequacies. However, I don’t know what’s going to happen if Donovan comes home from school talking about how he failed English or complains that he doesn’t see the purpose of learning about variables and constants. I do find solace, though, in the fact that intelligence has been found to have a hereditary component and a component of environment. So I’m hoping that, between the passage of genes (which is why I can’t reproduce with an underachiever) and my personal interest in fostering my child’s intellectual growth, this won’t even be a situation that I have to worry about.

What if my child is “bad”?

I don’t technically believe in bad seeds, but I’ve seen so many children who I deem out of control that the worry definitely worked its way into my head. If my son was prone to fight at school or talk back, how would I handle that? Now, I’m not talking about acute behaviors. I’m talking about patterns of behavior. I firmly believe that effective parenting circumvents having a “bad” child, but, if that’s true, are all of these people just not bothering to raise their children well? Is that why little Raheem curses like a grown man even though he’s 10? Is that why Ray-Ray comes in at 2am despite being 16? Or why Baby Girl is having her third kid at 15? Do we just need to take the rearing of our children seriously, or is there something else that needs to be done?

What if my child’s priorities, values and beliefs differ greatly from my own?

This is probably the question which concerns me least. Many people believe it is a parent’s job to pass on their values and beliefs to their children. Though I do believe in a certain amount of moral steering, I’m not sure if I agree with indoctrination. I fully intend to teach my children the fundamental pillars of my life philosophy (love, respect for life, belief in equality, etc.), but I don’t necessarily expect to produce a Donnie II. I’m much more interested in producing Donnie 2.0. More specifically, I want to provide a launching pad from which my child can grow and evolve. Do I want him to be as rigidly logical as I am? Not particularly. But do I want him to see the fallacy of illogical behaviors? Hell yes. Do I expect him to have my take on human/civil rights? Not particularly, but I won’t tolerate a racist, misogynist, homophobe, or anyone else who devalues the humanity of others in my house. On a lighter note, what if he is a sports fanatic? I don’t know the first thing about it, but I definitely know who in my social network (who will have a vested interest in my child’s success/growth) I can steer them toward in that situation. It’s a strange prospect, but I’m sure that I’ll be fine, even if my son turns out to reject elitism, embrace eastern religion, and prefer a simple life in Barcelona, Spain rather than pursuing a path that looks anything like mine (though he’s still going to Princeton regardless, lol).

I don’t know. There are just the kinds of thing I think about. Perhaps I’m neurotic, but I think if more of us pondered these questions, we’d be more prepared when we had our children, so we don’t have to be confused when our 6 year old kid can’t write his own name or when we have a child who wants to be a physicist and we don’t know the first thing about photons.

Using Prejudice/Stereotypes to Your “Benefit”

As an upwardly mobile Black man, I often float between multiple worlds, which view me very differently. It is more than clear to (nearly) any Black person that meets me that I am not (nor have I ever been) a thug. However, I have still experienced situations where white women clutched their purses while near me, whether I'm in a tee and jeans or a suit with my briefcase. It is quite a frustrating occurrence (though I'm sure there may be a rationale/logic of sorts behind the behavior) and often starts a Ludacris-Larenz Tate Crash conversation in my head. "If I'm viewed as a thug no matter how I present myself, no matter how I strive for excellence, no matter how personable I choose to be, what's the fucking point?" I generally move on quickly, because I have other reasons for my behaviors (financial security, my own general comfort, etc.). But it's still worth noting that the conversation crosses my mind, even 3 years after graduating from Princeton University.

In general, I'm not willing to be the coon that people think I am due to my bigblackman-ness, but I have found that I'm willing to feed into it for my own benefit on occasion. I've donned the angry black man aura to keep people from making small talk with me when I'm busy, to keep the conservationists handing out pamphlets on Michigan Avenue from even trying to hand me one, or even to keep the arrogant asshole at work from condescending to me when we interact (even though he's condescending to everyone else). And I guess, in a similar way, I have done so among certain Black people too. Because education/social class can be a touchy area, I've downplayed (or neglected to mention) some of my achievements to keep people comfortable. I didn't necessary play into the notparticularlybrightblackguy stereotype, but I definitely have played into the notparticularlyeducatedblackguy stereotype just to avoid the "Ohhhh, you're one of them" conversation. I just often feel as if it isn't worth it.

I often wonder how much harm that does to the greater move toward Black men being seen as people versus stereotypes. However, I would venture to say that anyone who assumes my corny ass is anything close to hood has no sense of the culture in the first place. AND (more importantly) I think it's ridiculous that Black people have to serve as cultural tutors for the mainstream culture.

On a related but different note, if I were drafted into the military, I think I'd make full use of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I don't respect the policy, because it is clearly discriminatory and implies that homophobia is the accepted norm. But, on some level, I'm all for using it to my advantage. You don't want any homos in the military. Well, sorry, I'm a fairy, so I can't die for you. Let the homophobes take the bullets. I'll sit home and chill.

Again, I wonder how much harm this does to the cause, but I guess I think this is one area where I am willing to let people destroy themselves to make a point. If sexuality is sufficiently important to the military or the general American public to warrant turning away willing soldiers just because they are gay, I'd never put my life on the line in any war the US military decides to wage. For me, that would be aiding my oppressor and I'd rather not.

Expectation of Racism = Racist?

In the wake of President Obama’s election and AG Holder’s comments regarding America’s cowardice in discussing race, there has a been firestorm of “Get over slavery. Get over the past. Get over yourselves.” rhetoric lobbed at African Americans. I’ve read many comments to the tune of “Slavery has been over for 200 years. You weren’t there, so why are you so concerned about it?” and “You guys should stop complaining. We elected a Black guy for President.”

Bringing the conversation a bit closer to home, multiple statements have been made to or about me with regards to my race. A coworker (in fact, someone who was technically a mentor for me) once asked me if I could communicate to my “brothers and sisters how to be both in touch with their race without holding onto all the bad parts”. He then commented that I, like his Mexican wife, was an exceptional minority and he hoped I could smack some sense into my other minority coworkers, who couldn’t “see the big picture”. Given my blank expression, he followed with “Or am I being Tom the Dumb Priveleged White Guy by even asking this question?” Clearly, he knew my response before I spoke a word.

On another occasion, an older white woman commented to her granddaughter who, while sitting next to me on a train, managed to hit me with her American Girl dolls and accessories no less than 30 times in a 45 minute train ride to Gary, “He should be in a much better mood. I mean, we just elected a Black president. He should be grateful.” Now, anyone who knows me knows I am less than tactful when disrespected, so of course “Are you fucking kidding me?” was my response to her statement, that I guess she assumed 1. I hadn’t heard or 2. I wasn’t man enough (not that I really believe in being “man enough” to do anything) to respond to.

When I hear people reject conversations about race, make comments about being post-racial given Obama’s election, make racially insensitive remarks, or assert my “Magic/Good Negro”-ness, I may or may not respond. However, I am never surprised. When someone remarks (verbally or noverbally) on how surprised they are at my manner of speech or seek my agreement in their blanket statements about what Black people ought/need to do, I’m often annoyed, but it is something that I’ve come to expect. People are uncomfortable with conversations which make them feel guilty, bad, or any other negative emotion, even if it’s not the intention of the conversation.

When AG Holder commented on America being a nation of cowards in regards to racial conversation, many people heard it as “White people are cowards” and blew up in response, when he was actually talking about all of us. He was talking about Black students who find it easier to sit together at lunch rather than sit with their Asian friend from PSY 101 or their white buddy from high school. He was talking about Whites who shut down when slavery is mentioned as a problematic part of American History. He was talking about everyone who says, “Why don’t we have a [my group here] Heritage month?” even though they may. (I work for the state, so I see signs for every kind of history/appreciation/cultural month every day when I enter work.)

This orientation (expecting racism) works for me, because it allows me to avoid slicing people up with my words every few days and living up to the Angry Black Man title. But my ex said that my approach was problematic and potentially even racist, because I don’t give non-Black people the benefit of the doubt. (To clarify, I don’t give Black people the benefit of the doubt either. I know that ignorance is an equal opportunity infestation.)

So I ask the question, “Is the expectation of racism racist?”