Real Men

Remember “Independent Women” by Destiny’s Child? Every Black woman was so proud to say how much they didn’t need a man. They could pay their own bills. They could buy their own this and that. I smiled with delight, because I believed that a woman was fully capable of doing for herself without a man. Hell, I was raised by a single mother, so I’m more than aware of the strength, will, and ingenuity of a Black woman.

Even though the song irritated me to all hell for its cheering of things that I thought were standard, even Lil Boosie had an anthem for the independent woman. And, again, women were touting their independence. And I, again, smiled with delight.

However, something must have happened since that day. Apparently, independence is no longer hot. Somehow it was been supplanted by the necessity for a “real man”. Allow me to define. This weekend, it was explained to me that a real man believes that a woman should be equal to him, but he still desires to take care of her needs. Even though she works and makes money, she shouldn’t have to spend it on the bills the couple acquires or, God forbid, something for the man. A real man doesn’t need or want a woman to do anything for him that requires finances other than his own.

I don’t know what happened, but I sure wish it would reverse. I’m all about treating the person special to you in a special way, but mandated ATM status isn’t appetizing to me. On some level, it reeks of selfishness and double standards. To be clear, I also don’t believe that a woman is mandated to cook for her man, clean up after him, or elsewise maintain the lion’s share of the household duties, but that’s because I’m more than comfortable with taking care of myself (not that I turn away any spoiling).

An older woman once told me that I was too independent and that it would make a woman feel unneeded. I guess I personally prefer to be needed for emotional reasons versus financial or domestic task-related reasons, but to each, his/her own.